Saw this somewhere and I laughed at every single one of them. So here it is ~

PS: i really feel like redesigning this blog. it looks like crap but I’ve got no time.

–
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he’s twenty-one.

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Are you shittin’ me?

ATTORNEY : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh…. I was getting laid!

ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Are you shittin’ me? Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS : Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS : Guess.

ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.

ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

the ultimate polo tee

A few days back was my official graduation cermony and what it means is that I’m officially moving on to the next phase of my life which would be NS plus University. Its amazing how the 3 years in polytechnic passed so fast, much faster than when I was in secondary school. Gone were the times whereby you do not need to worry about your future and what your future company/job scope was like because it seem so ever-so-far away.

Anyway, for the Sun Microsystem, it was SGD$200 cash. Much less than I expected but atleast its better than nothing although its a little pathetic at a tertiary level. The $200 shall go in to my buy-a-lv-fund. Still not yet what I’ll be getting since I will have 2 years to decide what I want. No hurry.

Today is also my dad’s birthday ! Happy birthday dad ! Hope you liked the gift we gave you.